THE VASELINE QUEEN HAS RENOUNCED HER THRONE. 

Recently I discovered I have an addiction. My close amigas have probably known for eight years or so. My family know. My boyfriend knew pretty early on. It would appear that I was the last to know.
It’s not an addiction that has caused me, or anyone else any harm. It’s not an addiction that interferes with my job or life. it hasn’t drained my money. Lost me friends. Prevented me from leading some kind of normal life. However it is something that can make me feel kind of anxious and uncomfortable when I don’t have it and big relief when I do. 

Are you ready to know? 

LIP BALM. 
I am a lip balm addict. 

I was in denial when the bf mentioned it. But then I classically did a wee bit of googling and discovered there’s a whole website dedicated to helping people with lip balm addiction. 

It even has a self-assessment quiz with about 30 questions and states that if you answered YES to one or more of these questions, you probably have a problem. 

Do you use whatever lip balm you have almost continuously until the supply is exhausted? HELLS YEAH

Do you have an obsession to get lip balm when you don’t have it? MAAAAAAYBE 

When you start using are you more in a hurry to get the first hit than you used to be? HANG ON. ARE WE TALKING ABOUT LIP BALM OR HEROIN HERE? (My answer is no to both by the way)

Can you apply lip balm with one hand? WHO NEEDS TWO HANDS TO APPLY IT? LIKE ONE HAND PER LIP? WHAT IS THIS MADNESS.

The lip balm addiction website also has a list of twelve steps (like the AA, right?) to giving up lip balm. They get very into talking about God quickly so I have a feeling the lip balm addiction website is actually a front for a cult (I think everything is a cult though). 

 I used to swim a lot and the chlorine did wonders for drying my entire body out – so maybe that’s when I started using lip balm excessively.  Vaseline was for many years my favoured lip balm (I thought the tins were cute). I don’t have heaps of memories from school but I do remember my friends hiding my Vaseline from me once and feeling quite distraught about it. (It’s okay guys, I forgave you within a nanosecond).

Until a few weeks ago, putting lip balm on was the first thing I did in the morning, after I’d brushed my teeth, multiple times throughout the day, and the last thing I did before going to sleep. With gentle encouragement from the boy and very stubborn blood running through my veins, I decided to cut down to using it twice a day. Shit, I do sound like an addict. 

The first day my lips felt super dry and cracked, like elongated raisins. This was totally my brain playing tricks because when I felt them they actually felt kind of soft and were not cracked at all. I spent the day licking my lips often, looking quite insane. I also thought about my lips for the entire day (what a waste of thoughts!!). But after a few days I wasn’t thinking about it all the time and I wasn’t feeling uncomfortable.

This is good because before I cut down I went for breakfast with bae and his friend and I used lip balm (paw paw magical ointment is lip balm of choice these days) about four times during breakfast. I felt really self conscious every time I got it out of my bag to use and that was the point I realised maybe I did have a small kind of trivial addiction to it. NOBDOY NEEDS THAT MUCH LIP BALM.  

 I’m freeing myself of the need to constantly slather my lips (and my philtrum and my chin – I’m messy) with lip balm. 

It feels bad. But also good. 
It’s the little things. 

NB. Since I wrote this, usage is down to 0-1 times a day. Boom. AND I haven’t become part of a cult. 

THE VASELINE QUEEN HAS RENOUNCED HER THRONE. 

MY BREAK UP WITH MAKEUP.

Sorrynotsorry for the title of this! It tickled me and I’m the queen of making myself laugh.  So I wanted to write this post because I wore mascara today for the first time in ages (what a crazy radical thing to do I hear you whisper) and it occurred to me that I hadn’t worn a full face of makeup for several months. Rewind two years and I was wearing pretty much a full face of makeup everyday.

Almost every woman I know wears makeup or has worn makeup. My aunts signature style is red lipstick and she rocks it. My grandma frames her lovely blue eyes in mascara. My sister is a whizz with bronzer. They are all very beautiful. I think I was about 13 when I started lining my eyes with dark kohl. I have no idea where I sought my guidance for the eyeliner from – and I wish I was home and could share some pretty terrible pictures of my teenage years!!

Not long after using kohl I delved into concealer, foundation, powder, liquid eyeliner and mascara. In my late teens I discovered bronzer, lipstick and eyebrow pencils. It was normal for me to (as I’m sure it is to many people) to wear it errrry single day. I thought my face was unattractive without makeup. My eyes seemed too tiny. My skin pale and blotchy and spotty. It’s kinda sad that I spent a few years hating on myself so much. When I wasn’t wearing makeup I was often told I looked unwell or very pale by the kinds of people who probably have good intentions but should perhaps NEVER speak.

Having no real guidance on applying the stuff,  I taught myself the ropes. I never really got my head around all the brushes and applicators, the ‘right’ shade of foundation (thank you No7 for that colour match thing you do) or what to do with blusher (where do you put it? How much is too much?). I can do some pretty mean flicks with liquid eyeliner and apply almost flawless red lipstick (haven’t quite nailed not getting at least a dot of it on my teeth though). I remember concealer actually making spots look clumpy and dry and shit, my face being a slightly different shade to the rest of my body and mascara clumping my eyelashes together. I also can fondly remember a phase when I wore green eyeliner everyday.

I stopped wearing makeup when I did some travelling in India, not because I discovered myself, but because it was perhaps the sweatiest I have ever been in my entire life.  It was waaaaay too hot to wear makeup, it literally would have slid off my face. I was also starting the ‘no poo’ method on my hair and was trying to move away from using too much shit on my body. I did think my face was kind of icky at first but over the month I got used to seeing myself without makeup on. I realised my face wasn’t half as bad as I’d led myself to believe (the beauty industry can definitely take a large share of the blame here, buttheads). My eyes actually weren’t tiny pin pricks in my face, my skin wasn’t that uneven and actually if I didn’t eat heaps of shit and drank heaps of water I didn’t get spotty. Who’da thunk it.  The next time I put full makeup on I thought my face looked weird! I’d gone full circle in just a month.

I’ve found it personally liberating to not have that need to wear makeup everyday. It might not seem like a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but it’s a small rebellion against the beauty industry’s desire for us to all look the same and ‘perfect’. I still like wearing it occasionally but have managed to minimalise the amount of products I have to a select few. I find the advertising of products kind of gross, more so now. The message that the beauty industry puts out there is that makeup (amongst a zillion other things) makes us attractive as women and we NEED it. Which is old and boring.

Gone are the days when I disliked my face so much I felt I need to cover it in makeup to make myself feel better about it. That reason for wearing makeup didn’t come from a good, positive place. Now when I wear it it’s because I’m going out and I want to feel jazzy. Or it’s Thursday and I just feel like wearing some mascara.

 

 

MY BREAK UP WITH MAKEUP.